A while ago, my friend Pst Marvelous Omoh Marvel Damilola shared a video on Instagram about the desire for marriage and the emotional journey single Christian ladies often face.
It struck a chord with me, and I felt compelled to share my perspective on this.
It was how the video resonated with so many ladies, whether in their current state or before a transformative experience of renewed thinking.
Why do we hesitate to express our desire for marriage openly?
Why do we hold back in praying boldly for marriage and family?
Are your priorities misplaced, or is this just a natural desire?
The conflict is real; there’s a subtle narrative that sometimes makes us feel guilty for wanting marriage, like the desire for companionship is somehow a distraction from the work of winning souls for the Kingdom.
I mean, why would you, a daughter of Zion, be thinking about waking up to a loving embrace when there are nations to disciple and a world that needs saving?
And yet, that desire is there.
It’s human, and it’s valid!
Why is it that, as single Christian women, we sometimes feel shy or even ashamed to admit that we desire marriage?
I get it. We fear judgment.
We are worried about being seen as too focused on earthly matters when our attention should be on spiritual pursuits.
The condemnation that sometimes follows when you catch yourself daydreaming about marriage; those fleeting thoughts of waking up to someone’s embrace, and sharing life with a partner and then acting like it doesn’t come from God. It’s often an internalized judgment that stems from societal or religious pressures.
Condemnation is not and will never be of God!
You’re torn between wanting to honour God’s calling on your life and admitting the deeply personal and natural desire for partnership.
But here’s the thing! Why should it be either-or?
Why should we feel as though the desire for marriage is at odds with our spiritual purpose?
Let’s deal with this misconception that being a single Christian woman means you should somehow suppress your desires for marriage and family.
Why should the two be mutually exclusive?
The Bible itself speaks about the beauty of marriage, comparing it to the relationship between Christ and the Church.
The idea of marriage is God’s, He created this desire for companionship, and it’s not something to be dismissed or shamed.
That you are praying about your future spouse, your family, and the life you hope to build is not a sign of misplaced priorities.
It’s an acknowledgement that God is present in every aspect of your life, spiritual, emotional, and relational.
Marriage is a significant part of His design for many, and there’s no shame in desiring it.
Sometimes, the pressure we feel comes from an unspoken expectation within the church community, one that suggests true spiritual strength is marked by a detachment from earthly desires, particularly those related to romantic relationships.
But let’s be honest, suppressing or downplaying those desires doesn’t make us holier.
What if we allowed ourselves the freedom to want what we want while trusting God’s timing and sovereignty?
There is strength in vulnerability, in admitting that while we are called to serve the kingdom, we also long for a partner to journey with us. And that longing is not weakness; it’s part of the human experience that God understands.
There’s a reality you must embrace; that reality is that God cares about your entire life, including your relationships and your future marriage. He is interested in your personal happiness just as much as your spiritual growth. The desire to be loved and to love in return isn’t selfish; it’s an expression of the love that God Himself embodies.
So why not bring your desires to God openly? Instead of feeling ashamed, you can trust that God delights in hearing your heart’s desires. He sees the bigger picture and understands how those desires fit into His grand design for your life.
The Bible encourages us to make our requests known to God. There’s nothing wrong with seeking His will for your future partner while continuing to serve His purpose in your life. The two can coexist beautifully. Your desire for marriage doesn’t detract from your mission; it can complement it as you seek someone to walk alongside you in faith.
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So, dear daughter of Zion, be bold! Don’t shy away from your desires, but instead, bring them to God with confidence. Pray about them, dream about them, and trust that God, who knows the deepest desires of your heart, is working in His perfect timing.
Marriage is not a distraction from your purpose; it can be a part of it. Just as you are called to serve and disciple, you are also called to love and be loved. And in that, there is no shame, only the beauty of God’s design unfolding in your life.
Credit: Omokheni Ajiboye
