Quick question to you, yes you! Do you ever feel like if you are not the best, let me rephrase, do you ever feel like you are NOT your best? That you are just invisible? Like if you are not standing at the top, holding the trophy, getting the recognition, then somehow you failed? Yeah, me too or rather I used to, yes I want all of that but are NOT anymore, I mean NOT primary to my building and investing in myself, NOT anymore, this has NOT changed my passion for being my best, giving my best and seeking my best.
The race to be your best, the best, to not be invisible, to stand at the top, holding the trophy, and getting recognition, is a quiet pressure that follows us everywhere. It most likely started when we were kids, when being the smartest, fastest, or most talented meant praise, or maybe it crept in later, when we looked around and saw people getting promoted, going viral, buying cars, houses, building businesses, while we were just trying to keep it together, and deep down and somehow, without saying it out loud, we started believing that life was a race and the worse part is that we even start believing that only one of us gets to win.
You see that mindset? That mindset where success feels like a fight to the top, and everyone else is competition is what is called the Highlander Syndrome. You know that line in movies, the line: “There can be only one.” It sounds cool in a movie, my friend only in movies, honestly, but you see, in real life? It is very, very, very exhausting; it is isolating and it turns every moment into a battle, every friend into a rival, and every small win into a question: Is it enough? Am I enough?
And then we buildup the habit of chasing things we don’t even care about or something that at the very least NOT ought not to hold any in depth weight or meaning in our lives, things like, titles, followers, validation, likes, just to feel like we are ahead. We then start to hide our struggles, downplay our needs, and smile through burnout because vulnerability looks like weakness, and weakness means falling behind, and even when we “win,” we are still lonely, anxious, and afraid that someone younger, smarter, or better is right behind us, ready to take our place. But this is the truth that too many of us don’t get to hear until very late in life or when we are caught in the middle of it: You don’t have to be the only one! You don’t have to prove your worth by standing alone at the top! Life is not a winner-takes-all game or at the very least don’t play that type of game! It is not about being the only one or even the one! It is about being yourself, fully and freely, because and honestly; there is enough room for all of us to shine!
You, my friend, and I, we were not meant to compete constantly, at least NOT in every space, and if we must, it should be the healthy type. We were made to connect! To grow together! To cheer each other on! The Highlander mindset might have worked in some movie sword fights, but here in the real world, we are killing our joy, our relationships, and our sense of purpose.
So let us sit down together, let us talk about this syndrome; let us name it, let it point at it, let us call it out, and most importantly, let us figure out how to set ourselves free from it, because life gets a whole lot lighter when we realize we do NOT have to be THE ONE to be someone who matters.
Where Highlander Syndrome Begins
This pressure to be the best did not just fall out of the sky, like I already explained. Somewhere along the way, we picked up this idea, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly and sometimes in a subtle way, that to matter, we had to stand out; that blending in was failure; that second place was first loser and that if someone else is doing better, then we must not be doing enough.
It starts early, like in school, where there is always the gold star kid, the MVP, the one everyone points to and says, “Be more like them.” Then we carry that into adulthood, into our careers, our relationships, even our hobbies, and then it starts to become less and less about joy or purpose, and more and more about proving we are not falling behind and that we deserve to be seen. The Highlander Syndrome begins to whisper: “There is not enough room for all of us. So you better win. You better rise above.” And just like that, life becomes a ladder, the type of ladder where we start stepping over people we actually care about, not really because we want to hurt them, but because we are scared we will get left behind.
It is not just ambition because ambition can be healthy; this is something different; it is survival mode and you this survival mode, like some motivational videos we see on YouTube can be very sneaky, because it hides behind words like drive, focus, and excellence, when really it is rooted in fear; the fear of NOT being number one, the fear of NOT receiving recognition, fear of being forgotten. And this comes with a twist: The more we chase being “the one, and in constant competition with others” the more we end up feeling alone and isolated.
When Winning Means Isolation
You would likely think that being on top would feel good, right? Like all that effort would pay off in confidence, in peace, in some deep sense of “I made it.” But here is the thing, chasing the top spot in such a way that you put yourself in constant competition with people you are supposed to grow with is all too often a very lonely path. You start to become afraid to slow down, afraid to open up, afraid to let anyone too close in fear of them outshining you, and sometimes too late in life, these people will look around and realize they are surrounded by people, but no one really knows them and even worse they refuse to conceive the idea that it is the fault to begin with, from the kind of life they led.
I have seen it happen and I am sure you have too. It is the person who gets the promotion but suddenly can NOT trust their team; the friend who always one-ups your stories but never shares what is really going on with them.
Winning, when it is driven by Highlander Syndrome, means you have likely built a life that looks great on the outside but feels hollow on the inside. You become the version of yourself that performs success, not the version that feels safe, or happy, or loved and the saddest part is that too many times we don’t even realize we’re doing it, because for so long, we have been told that success requires sacrifice and we think loneliness is just one of the prices we have to pay, BUT IT IS NOT! At least not in this context.
We are NOT meant to do life alone and as such, no title, no achievement, no level of recognition is worth losing real connection, but when you believe there can only be one, you end up protecting your crown instead of sharing your life. But we can do it differently! We can name what is really going on! And once we name it, we can start to change it!
How Highlander Syndrome Shows Up in Real Life
Here is also something very obvious, most of us are not walking around saying, “I want to be the only one who succeeds.” It is not always loud, exactly; it is not always obvious but the mindset shows up in the little, quiet ways we move through our day. It is when you scroll through social media and low-key feel irritated that someone else is doing well because it reminds you of what you have not done yet. It is when you downplay your friend’s good news because part of you feels like their win somehow sets you back.
It is when you do NOT ask for help because admitting you need it would make you feel less. It is that moment of hesitation when you consider sharing your idea or story, but then think: What if someone steals it? What if they do it better than me?
It is when collaboration feels risky and vulnerability feels dangerous; that is Highlander Syndrome in the wild and the hardest part is that it does not just mess with your relationships, it very much messes with our own peace and we start living in a constant state of tension, competing, comparing, performing, always watching our back, always measuring ourselves against others, even people we claim to love. And deep down, you know it is not how you want to live but you don’t yet know how to stop; you don’t yet know how to cast a light on and cast out the Highlander Syndrome, you don’t yet know how to choose collaboration over competition.
Choosing Collaboration Over Competition
Remember from the beginning where I said: “Yeah, me too or rather I used to, yes I want all of that but are NOT anymore, I mean NOT primary to my building and investing in myself, NOT anymore, this has NOT changed my passion for being my best, giving my best and seeking my best.”
Here is what helped me: I stopped trying to be THE ONE, and started trying to be part of something meaningful; I started to be a part of a community, a community where our only intention is to help each other grow and get better by the day.
I started to celebrate others out loud, even when in the beginning, it stung a little. I began to reach out not just when I needed something, but just to say, “I see you. Keep going. I am rooting for you. To greater heights.” I started to open up to people I used to feel threatened by and guess what? Most of them felt the same fears I did, we were all just trying to prove we belonged, and this tension is needless, it is very, very, very, I can not over type the word “very” here, again, it is very, very, very unnecessary.
That is the lie Highlander Syndrome tells us: That we have to do it all alone but the truth is that: we get further, feel better, and become more ourselves when we do it together, when we do it with a community.
When you stop guarding your spotlight and start sharing it, something shifts; your life starts to feel less like a battlefield and more like a dance floor. Not everyone is trying to take your place, some people are just looking for a place to belong too, give them room, teach them, encourage them, push them to do better, most importantly, root for them, just like me: I AM ROOTING FOR YOU, ALWAYS.
And when we collaborate instead of compete, something beautiful happens: Trust grows! Ideas multiply! Doors open! You stop seeing people as threats, and start seeing them as teammates! And the best part is that you no longer have to carry it all alone; this comes with plenty and plenty of freedom!
The Freedom in Being Enough
The most freeing truth I have learnt on the other side of all this: I am already enough and this is what stirs me up to continuously give my best, while always seeking the best.
Not when I win!
Not when I prove them wrong!
Not when I finally make it to the top!
Right now, as I am, and so are you!
You do not need to be the smartest, the richest, the most talented, or the most followed to live a meaningful life. You just need to be real! To show up! To keep growing! And to stop running from peace or a community!
Because Highlander Syndrome is built on fear, the fear of being forgotten, of being ordinary, of not measuring up but life is not a competition for worth; you DON’T need to outlast or outshine anyone to matter.
There is enough space, room and a whole world waiting for the version of you that does NOT have to perform; the you that is soft, honest, and strong in quiet ways; the you that can stand up and tall without standing alone.
So here is your permission, if that is what you are looking for:
Put the sword down, you do NOT have to play the zero sum game to succeed.
Stop trying to be the one.
Start being someone who is present, connected with the community, and enough.
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Conclusion
Unlike the rest of my articles for some reason, I want to conclude this particular article with a couple of quotes, and here they go:
- “You don’t have to be the only one to be someone; there is more than enough light to go around.”
- “Let go of the pressure to be the best. Just be real! Be present! And be kind! Those are the things that last!”
- “There can be only one? No, there can be many! Many voices! Many paths! Many truths! And yours is amongst what the world needs!”
- “You were not born to outshine others. You were born to shine with them.”
- “Success is NOT a one man crown. It is a conversation amongst many.”
