With the world increasingly rewarding volume over virtue and outrage over understanding, politeness can feel outdated, and worse almost irrelevant. But the Scripture and lived Christian wisdom tell a different story. Politeness is not a weakness; it is not social noise. It is discipline; it is self-mastery, and in the Christian life, it is a quiet but powerful expression of love.
Pastor Chris Oyakhilome’s counsel – “Be polite. Don’t use hurtful words to address people, don’t raise your voice against them. Be courteous, respectful, and civil in your relationship with others,” cuts against the nonchalant noise of modern communication, and that is precisely why it matters.
Politeness is Not Personality; It Is Practice
Many people believe politeness is a personality trait, some are “naturally nice,” others are not, but Christianity rejects this idea. Politeness is not a temperament; It is a discipline! It is learned, practiced, and strengthened through intentional obedience!
Gentle speech requires restraint; it means choosing not to say everything you just feel, not to react impulsively, and not to let emotion dictate expression. This is why politeness is deeply spiritual; it demands mastery over the self.
Apostle Paul describes self-control as the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23). Polite speech is one of the most visible places where that fruit either grows or withers.
Tone is a Test of the Heart
What we say reveals our thoughts, but how we say it reveals our heart.
Raising one’s voice, using harsh words, or speaking with contempt is many many times justified as “honesty” or “passion.” But the Scripture consistently links harsh speech with pride, anger, and lack of wisdom. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
In addition to that, politeness does not mean avoiding truth; it means delivering truth without cruelty. It means refusing to wound others under the excuse of being right, and Christian maturity is not proven by how boldly we speak, but by how wisely we do.
I am sure you must have heard the saying, “It is not what you say, it is how you say it.” And it is true, words alone are not just enough, because two people can say the exact same sentence, but one leaves you feeling encouraged while the other leaves you feeling insulted; the difference does not lie in the content but in the delivery.
Communication they say is more than just the transfer of information; it is the transfer of emotion, intent, and respect. So a sharp tone can turn truth into a weapon, while a gentle one can turn correction into guidance; this is why the way we speak, our tone, our body language, and the spirit behind our words often matters far more than the words themselves, and when we understand this, we begin to realize that how we speak can build bridges or burn them, heal or wound, inspire or discourage. And in a world where relationships, trust, and influence are everything, how you say something truly makes all the difference.
Continue Reading: It Does Not Matter Only What You Say; It Matters Greatly How You Say It
Civility is a Witness in a Hostile World
We live in a culture where disrespect is normalized by so many as being real, social media thrives on mockery, public discourse rewards aggression. Even everyday conversations are often laced with impatience and irritation.
In such an environment, politeness becomes a testimony. When a believer speaks calmly under pressure, listens without interrupting, and responds without insult, something unusual happens, people notice. Not because the Christian is louder, but because they are different. Civility stands out in a culture of contempt.
Jesus taught that His disciples would be known by love, not by argumentation, not by dominance, but by how they treat others (John 13:34-35). Politeness is love made audible.
In John 13:34-35, Jesus gives His disciples a command unlike any other: “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”
It is simple, but yet profound; it is direct, yet revolutionary.
Jesus is not asking for passive kindness, occasional generosity, or polite civility. He is calling for a radical love that mirrors His own, a love that is sacrificial, intentional, and unconditional. This is the love that defines His followers, the love that distinguishes a disciple from the world.
Take a pause and notice how Jesus frames this command: “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”
Love is not just a feeling; it is the evidence of faith. It is the outward reflection of inward transformation; it is the proof that Christ’s life and teachings are alive in us.
People may admire your wisdom, your achievements, or your eloquence, but it is love, consistently lived, that marks you as a follower of Christ.
Continue Reading: The New Commandment: Loving One Another Like Jesus Loved Us
One of the great confusions of modern life is the belief that respect equals agreement; it does not. You can disagree firmly and still speak respectfully, you can correct someone without humiliating them, you can defend truth without assaulting dignity. Politeness does not surrender conviction; it governs expression.
Christ Himself modeled this balance; He spoke with authority, but never with cruelty. He corrected errors, yet preserved human dignity; His firmness was never loud, and His strength was never rude.
Politeness as Daily Spiritual Training
Every conversation is a small test of character, every interaction is an opportunity to practice restraint, humility, and love.
Politeness is not reserved for church settings or formal moments; it is proven in traffic, at work, at home, online, and in disagreement. It is practiced when you are tired, misunderstood, or provoked.
This is why polite speech is not incidental; it is formative. Over time, the way we speak shapes the way we think, and the way we think shapes who we become.
Read Also: Self-Control or Self-Sabotage: The Message of Proverbs 25:28
Read Also: The Gospel Of Hypergrace: Paul’s Exaltation Of God’s Unfathomable Grace
Read Also: Try a Little Kindness: How Small Acts of Kindness Can Change a Life
Conclusion
To be polite is to choose strength over impulse, discipline over emotion, and love over ego; it is a conscious refusal to let anger, pride, or frustration govern your words.
In a noisy world, gentleness is not silence: It is clarity without cruelty! Civility without compromise! Truth spoken in love!
Christian politeness is not about sounding nice; it is about reflecting Christ, and sometimes, the most powerful testimony is not what you say, but how you say it.
