You want it, don’t you? That “I told you so.” That “Thank you.” That nod of recognition for being first, for being better, for carrying more than your share. You want credit. You want gratitude.

Ryan Holiday on The Daily Stoic 

You want to be acknowledged for the good you have done and the weight you have carried; it is human; it is natural. We are wired to long for appreciation; it feels like proof that our efforts matter. From the time we were children, we looked to the faces of parents, teachers, and peers, searching for approval, and as adults, the same need often hides beneath our work, our service, and even our kindness.

But here is the problem: When your good deeds are tied to applause, what happens when there is silence? When no one notices? When the credit is given to someone else? Too often, our motivation fades, resentment creeps in, and the purity of the act is spoiled.

The Stoics had a word for this hidden temptation, the pull toward what Marcus Aurelius called “the third thing.” It is NOT about doing what is right; it is NOT about the results; it is about craving recognition, acknowledgment, or thanks, and they warned: If you make that your reason for doing good, you will never truly be free. Because the truth is this: The noblest acts are those that stand independent of praise, and the highest form of goodness is goodness for its own sake.

The Trap of Needing Recognition

Trust me when I say it feels harmless at first, you work hard, you sacrifice, you pour yourself into something and you wait for the thank you, and when it does not come, you feel slighted. You think: Don’t they see what I have done? Don’t they realize the effort I have made?

But and again here is the hidden danger: The moment your motivation is tied to recognition, you have surrendered your freedom. Your worth becomes dependent on someone else’s approval. If they praise you, you feel validated, and if they don’t, you feel invisible, and your sense of value rises and falls to forces outside your control.

Marcus Aurelius warned against this dependence when he wrote in Meditations that a person should not expect “the third thing,” the applause, the gratitude, the credit, because once you expect it, you are no longer doing the act for its own sake; you are doing it for a transaction. And this trap also poisons relationships, a parent who only loves when thanked, a leader who only serves when celebrated, a friend who only gives when noticed; these are not free people; they are merchants trading goodness for recognition, and when the exchange is not honored, bitterness sets in.

The Stoic perspective is clear: Recognition is fleeting! Gratitude is inconsistent! Applause fades as quickly as it rises! But what endures is the inner integrity of knowing you did what was right, because it was right!

The Freedom of Doing Good for Its Own Sake

There is a kind of peace that comes when you stop waiting for applause. When you no longer measure your worth by the nods, claps, or “thank yous” of others, you discover a freedom most people never experience.

Doing good for its own sake means you are not a performer on someone else’s stage. You are not anxiously checking to see if the crowd is clapping, but instead, you act from principle, from conviction, from the quiet knowledge that right is right, even if no one ever notices, and the Stoics understood this deeply. Epictetus often reminded his students that virtue was its own reward; you do not need someone else to stamp it with approval, because virtue carries its own dignity; the good deed is complete the moment it is done, and nothing needs to be added.

Even Scripture echoes this truth. In Matthew 6, Jesus warns against practicing righteousness to be seen by others. He urges us instead to give, serve, and love in secret because the act itself, done with a pure heart, already has value, and recognition, when it comes, is a bonus not the goal.

And here is the paradox: When you no longer crave recognition, you actually become more consistent. You give whether or not anyone notices. You lead whether or not anyone praises. You love whether or not anyone thanks you, and your actions are no longer chained to the shallow tides of human opinion. And this is freedom! The freedom of a person whose life is rooted in what cannot be taken away; their integrity, their character, their quiet joy in simply doing good.

Why the Third Thing Is Extra, Not Essential

Marcus Aurelius called it the “third thing,” the expectation of recognition, gratitude, or acknowledgment, and he warned against tying your happiness or your virtue to it, and why is that? Because it is outside your control.

The truth is, we often forget that people may take your kindness for granted; they may never realize the sacrifices you have made, and sometimes they will even criticize or misinterpret your efforts, and if your motivation is anchored in their response, you will always live disappointed, bitter, or resentful. But if you strip away the third thing; if you remove the need for applause, then what is left? A purer form of action. You give because it is right! You work hard because excellence matters! You forgive because peace is better than bitterness! And your energy is no longer wasted chasing outcomes you can not guarantee; the third thing.

Think of the farmer; he plants seeds, not because the earth will thank him, but because that is what brings life. The harvest may or may not be abundant; the neighbors may or may not notice his labor, but the planting was worth it and the act was good in itself, and this perspective shifts how you move through the world. Gratitude from others becomes something you appreciate but never depend on. Recognition becomes a blessing, not a lifeline; the “thank you” or the “good job” is nice, but it is extra and not essential.

And the maybe funny thing is when you stop grasping for it, you often find you receive it more, because people sense authenticity and they respect the one who gives without keeping score, but by then, you have already won, because you no longer need it to validate you.

Read Also: Why You Should Do Good for Its Own Sake

Read Also: It Does Not Matter Only What You Say; It Matters Greatly How You Say It

Read Also: Why Ego is Your Enemy

Conclusion

Life becomes lighter when you stop chasing the “third thing.” Recognition, gratitude, and applause are sweet when they come, but they are not the purpose; the purpose is to live rightly, to give fully, to work with excellence, and to love without conditions.

When you root your actions in what is good, not in how others respond, you free yourself. You are no longer trapped by resentment when people forget to thank you; you are not swayed by flattery or discouraged by silence. You act because it is the right thing to do, and that is enough. This is what the Stoics, and the Scripture, have long taught: Do good without expectation! The credit, the applause, the “thank you” are extras, not essentials. Let them come if they will, and if not, you have already done what matters most; you have lived with integrity.

So stop waiting for recognition! Stop measuring your worth by how others respond! Live your life so well that even without a single thank you, it was worth it! That is freedom! That is strength! That is the way of wisdom!