In our today’s society, we many many times view marriage as a chronological milestone, a box to be checked once we hit our late twenties or early thirties. We celebrate birthdays as if they are trophies of maturity, assuming that because a man has reached a certain age, he is automatically ready for the covenant of marriage, but as Apostle Michael Orokpo powerfully articulated in a recent sermon, age, even though not supposed to be, can be a deceptive metric.
Apostle Orokpo challenges the conventional narrative by stating that the problem facing many unmarried individuals at thirty or beyond is not just about age, but a lack of responsibility. In the Kingdom of God, you do not get married because you are older; you get married because you are responsible. To truly understand marriage, we must move beyond the “Honeymoon Phase” and look at the biblical definition of the Husbandman.
The Theology of the Garden
To illustrate the weight of marital responsibility, Apostle Orokpo uses the profound analogy of the garden. If a wife is a garden to be cultivated, then the husband is, by definition, the cultivator, and this is why, historically and biblically, gardeners are referred to as husbandmen.
A garden left to its own devices does not flourish; it grows weeds; it becomes overgrown, chaotic, and eventually loses its beauty. A garden only thrives under the hands of a skilled worker who knows when to plant, when to prune, and when to water. Marriage, therefore, is not a status to be achieved; it is a job to be performed. When a man asks for a wife, he is essentially asking God for a garden to tend, but if he lacks the “tools” of responsibility and skill, he is not a husbandman; he is merely an occupant.
Skill: The Requirement for Cultivation
Apostle Orokpo emphasizes that a cultivator must possess a high level of skill to bring out the best quality from the garden. This skill is not innate; it is developed through spiritual maturity and personal discipline.
A responsible man, a true husbandman, understands that his primary mission is to ensure that his wife becomes a blessing to society. He is not there to consume her beauty or her resources; he is there to refine them. If a woman is not better, more vibrant, and more aligned with her purpose after five years of marriage, the husbandman has failed in his cultivation. The “Do Better, Be Better” mantra of this blog starts with the man’s ability to take the raw potential of his environment and relationships and turn it into a flourishing ecosystem.
The Trap of Spiritual Manipulation
One of the most critical warnings Apostle Michael Orokpo shares is against the “Hunter” mindset. Some men, rather than becoming skilled cultivators, become predators who use spiritual language as a trap.
They enter sacred spaces like the church and attempt to intimidate or pressure women using “spiritual” displays. Whether it is an exaggerated display of speaking in tongues or the weaponizing of “visions”, the “God told me you are my wife” approach, these are often tools of manipulation used by men who lack the actual substance of responsibility.
Apostle Orokpo points out that some men will even cite a “90-day dry fast” as a way to validate their claims and put women under psychological pressure; this is not the way of a wise husbandman. A man of value does not need to use a vision to “capture” a wife; his character and his ability to take responsibility should be his primary witness.
The Principle of Mutual Agreement
True biblical marriage is built on the foundation of agreement. As the scripture says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Apostle Orokpo clarifies that if God has truly spoken to a man about a woman, God is capable of speaking to the woman as well.
A man who is ready for marriage does not need to “sell” a vision or force a connection; he waits for the witness of the Spirit in both parties. He understands that a garden can not be forced to grow; it must be nurtured. If there is no agreement, there is no foundation.
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Conclusion
If you are a man reading this, or a woman waiting for a partner, the message is clear: Focus on the “tools” before you look for the “garden.” To move from being a “hunter” to a “husbandman,” you must:
- Develop Social Responsibility: Can you provide? Can you protect? Can you lead yourself before you attempt to lead a family?
- Cultivate Spiritual Skill: Are you a man of the Word, or do you only use the Word to get what you want?
- Prioritize Character Over Charisma: Charisma can start a conversation, but only character can sustain a covenant.
Marriage is a high calling; it is a partnership designed to produce fruit that blesses the world. So my dearest readers, as you strive to “Do Better and Be Better,” in marriage, remember that the greatest monument you can build is not your career or your reputation, but the flourishing life of the person you have sworn to cultivate.
