With the comparison and competition, it is very easy to fall into the trap of measuring ourselves against the behavior of others.
“He did it and no one said anything.”
“She got away with worse.”
“They are not playing fair, why should I?”

But virtue does not compare. Character is not built by benchmarking others’ bad behavior; it is built by asking one simple but demanding question: What kind of person do I want to be?

You may not always be treated fairly; you may not be rewarded for doing the right thing, but you still choose what kind of standard you live by, and when you justify doing wrong by pointing to others, you are not just dimming your light, you are killing and erasing your personal accountability.

The Danger of Measuring Yourself by Others

Comparison is a subtle poison; it disguises itself as justice or fairness, but at its core, it is a way of avoiding responsibility. It whispers, “You are not doing anything wrong; you are just keeping things equal,” but equality in wrongdoing is still wrongdoing, and fairness does not absolve you from personal integrity.

When someone else cheats, lies, cuts corners, or behaves unethically and seems to benefit from it, whether it is getting the promotion, winning the approval, or escaping the consequences, we sometimes feel something stir within us; it is not just envy; it is the rationalization monster: “Why should I be the only honest one?” “Why should I play by the rules when they clearly do not?”

This mindset corrodes your conscience slowly, what begins as mild frustration can start to evolve into entitlement, and entitlement becomes a justification for abandoning your standards. Instead of measuring yourself against what is right, you begin measuring yourself against what others can get away with. But the moment you let someone else’s behavior become the benchmark for your choices, you lose the moral high ground, and you lose yourself. You are no longer operating from your principles; you are reacting to their behavior, and if their standard is low, you are aiming downward by default.

Even worse, this leads to mediocrity or hypocrisy; you begin to criticize in others the very things you quietly excuse in yourself; you speak of values, but you act out of convenience, and deep down, you know you are drifting further from the kind of person you once hoped to be.

The truth is, you do not know their full story; you do not see their regrets, their inner battles, or the consequences waiting just beyond your view. You are only seeing a highlight reel and building your life around their shortcuts is like building a house on sand.

So do not mirror their mistakes, do not let their compromise become your compass; your character is too valuable to be determined by someone else’s low standard, wrongdoings and injustice.

The standard should not be what they did! The standard should be what is right! And it is likely that you already know what that is!

Why Fairness is not Always the Right Question

There is no doubt that life is unfair. Some people cheat and win; some manipulate the system and walk away without any consequences; some shout louder, break rules, or throw tantrums and still get applause. Meanwhile, you follow the rules, speak with respect, and try to live rightly and you are overlooked, misunderstood, or even penalized for it.

It tempts you to ask the question we all have asked at one point or another: Why do they get away with it, and I don’t?

But here is the trap, when you make fairness your primary filter for decision-making, you will always be chasing shadows, because fairness, as it plays out in the real world, is inconsistent. It is shaped by bias, influence, timing, privilege, and countless unseen variables and more importantly, it is not always in your control. Fairness is a noble principle in the context of justice systems, politics, and public accountability, and we should absolutely strive for a fairer world, but when it comes to your personal character, fairness is not always the right guiding question.

Why? Because fairness asks, “Did others receive the same?” But virtue asks, “Was it right?”

The danger of clinging to fairness is that it keeps you reactive; you start justifying behavior not on its morality, but on whether someone else did it first. You are only kind when others are; you are only honest if others are not cheating; you start to believe that your integrity should be conditional, not consistent. But the Stoics, and many other great moral traditions, call us to something higher. 

The Stoics believed that the measure of a good life was not in fairness or outcome, but in right action; they aimed to live in accordance with nature and reason, not in imitation of the crowd or retaliation for perceived injustice. Marcus Aurelius did not ask, “Is this fair?” before choosing his actions, he asked, “Is this just? Is this wise? Is this true to my values?”

You may not be able to control whether life treats you fairly; you can not ensure that others are held to the same standards, and you can not make the world balance every scale. But you can always control whether you act rightly; you can always choose the higher road even if you are the only one walking it. In a world that sometimes rewards the worst and punishes the best, your compass cannot be what is common or what others get away with.

Your compass must be what is right! Not what is fair, not what is allowed, not what is popular. Only what is right!

Set a Higher Standard and Stick to It

The world is noisy with shifting expectations; today’s heroes can become tomorrow’s villains, and what is praised this year may be shamed the next. Social media trends rise and fall, public morality bends to convenience and popularity, and what is celebrated in one group is condemned in another.

So, what do you do in a world like this? You set a higher standard, and you commit to it.

Not because it is easy, not because it is popular, but because you have decided that your integrity is not up for auction. That means defining your values clearly and in advance before you are pressured, tempted, or exhausted; you pre-decide the kind of person you will be before  life tries to blur the lines.

The Ulysses Rule is named after a moment of ancient wisdom hidden in Homer’s Odyssey. As Ulysses or Odysseus sailed past the deadly Sirens, whose beautiful songs lured sailors to their deaths, he did something radical. Knowing that he would not be able to resist in the moment, he made a powerful pre-decision; he ordered his crew to tie him to the mast of his ship and ignore all his future pleas to be released; he also had them plug their own ears so they would not hear the song at all.

And that is the Ulysses Rule: Binding yourself in advance to a wise decision, so you do not sabotage your future when emotions, temptations, or impulses inevitably strike.

It is not weakness; it is wisdom. Ulysses did not trust his future self to make the right choice, so he made that choice ahead of time, and thousands of years later, modern psychology confirms what Ulysses instinctively knew: When we rely on willpower alone, we lose.

Continue Reading: The Ulysses Rule: Locking In Decisions Now So You Don’t Fail Later

Will you be honest when it is inconvenient and costly?
Will you stay faithful when no one is looking?
Will you choose humility even when ego would earn you applause?

These are not decisions you make in the heat of the moment; they are convictions you carry into the moment.

Setting your standard is an act of courage.
It says, “I do not need the crowd to validate my values.”
It says, “I am not adjusting my ethics to fit the times; I am adjusting my choices to fit my conscience.”

Sticking to it is an act of discipline.
It means walking away from shortcuts. Holding the line when others cross it. Being consistent when it is easier to compromise, and most of all, it means choosing your standard again and again, even when it costs you something in the short term.

But here is the paradox: What may feel like a sacrifice today becomes a strength tomorrow, because while others lose themselves trying to keep up with the tides of culture, you will be anchored.

You may not be able to change the world’s standards, but you can refuse to be changed by them. You can become the kind of person who is not moved by every trend or swayed by every pressure. In a world of fluctuating values, your self-respect is found in the consistency of your own.

So set a higher standard! And live like you mean it! Because you should!

Read Also: Closing Your Eyes Is Not An Excuse

Read Also: The Sin of Knowing And Not Doing

Read Also: Blood Money Buys More Than Loyalty; It Steals Your Voice

Conclusion

At the end of the day, you do not answer to other people’s behavior; you answer to your own conscience and a higher standard.
You look at yourself in the mirror, and you sleep with your own decisions.

You choose integrity! You choose virtue! You choose the higher standard, not because it is easier, but because it is right.

Virtue does not compare and neither should you.