In our journey toward personal growth and professional elevation, we sometimes encounter a subtle but destructive trap: the habit of criticism. It feels productive to point out what is wrong, to identify the flaws in a system, or to highlight the mistakes of a leader. We tell ourselves that we are being honest or realistic, but how about we use the Lifting Rule instead?
And so, that first paragraph begs the question: What is the Lifting Rule? This rule states that there is no promotion in criticism; there is only promotion in prescription. And was definition was given by Pastor Dolapo Lawal, and he went further to add that if you want to rise in any system, be it your workplace, your marriage, or your community, you must move beyond the role of a critic and become a prescriber.
Why You Can’t Fight What You Want to Grow In
One of the most profound insights by Pastor Dolapo Lawal on that particular sermon is the warning: “Do not fight a system that you want to grow in”. This is a hard truth for many to swallow, especially when the system feels flawed. We can sometimes think that by attacking the status quo, we are demonstrating our superior intelligence or our rebel spirit.
But in reality, attacking a system from within is a form of self-sabotage. If you attack your boss, your organization, or the structure you are a part of, you create friction that prevents your own elevation. A boss will not promote someone they perceive as an attacker. Elevation requires alignment. You can not be lifted by a hand that you are busy biting.
Please! Please!! And please!! This does NOT, by any means, mean you ignore problems. It means you change your approach to them. The wise person understands that their growth is tied to the health of the system they inhabit, and so, instead of trying to tear the system down, they seek to build it up from their current position.
The Critic vs. The Prescriber
The difference between a critic and a prescriber is the difference between movement and progress.
- The Critic: Focuses on the “what.” They identify the problem, the error, and the failure. While they may be factually correct, their energy is purely diagnostic, because there is no “lifting” power in a diagnosis alone.
- The Prescriber: Focuses on the “how.” They see the same problem the critic sees, but they immediately move toward a solution. They offer a way forward.
Promotion follows the prescriber because the prescriber adds value. When you become the person who solves problems rather than the one who merely announces them, you become indispensable to the system. You move from being a “cost,” someone who drains morale, to being an “asset,” someone who generates progress. And this reminds me of a very, very interesting article I wrote a while back: The Man in the Arena Daring Greatly
From afar I used to admire those who took bold risks, who pursued their dreams despite the odds, and I always assumed that it’s likely that they had something I didn’t, probably more confidence, more talent, or maybe just more luck. It took me years to realize that the only real difference between them and me was one thing: they stepped into the arena while I hesitated at the edge, and this was in the past, gladly not anymore, but I’ll like to tell you a bit about that past.
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. – Theodore Roosevelt
There was a time when I played it safe, when the fear of failure held me back from truly stepping into the arena of my own life. I watched from the sidelines, critiquing my own untried ideas, telling and trying to convince myself that perfection was a prerequisite to action, but fortunately, life has a way of teaching you that the real growth, the real fulfillment, comes from getting in the fight even when you are not sure you will win. Real growth and fulfillment come from being the boxer in the arena.
Continue Reading: The Man In The Arena: Daring Greatly
Addressing the Issue Without Labeling the Person
There is a brilliant scriptural example that illustrates this: Jesus and the woman caught in adultery.
The critics of that day wanted to stone her; they wanted to label her a “sinner” and destroy her based on her failure, but Jesus Christ, however, used a prescriptive approach. He said, “Go and sin no more.”
Did you catch the wisdom there? In saying “sin no more,” Jesus acknowledged that she was sinning, and He addressed the problem directly. But by not calling her a “sinner,” He did not lock her into that identity. If He had labeled her, she might have died a sinner, but instead, He prescribed a new path, a way out.
And this is how we must communicate at work, at home, and everywhere. You can address a failure without attacking the person’s character. You can say there is a problem by prescribing the solution, rather than just talking or, worse, shouting about the mistake.
The Defensive Barrier: Communication in Relationships
Nowhere is the Lifting Rule more critical than in marriage and close relationships. There is a common psychological reality in relationships: When you attack, the other person becomes defensive.
When communication feels like a “punch,” the recipient naturally puts up their guard. And because of that, they are not listening to your point; they are likely trying to survive the attack. And this is why so many arguments in a home result in zero change. You may be 100% right about the issue, but because you are attacking the person, they can find it difficult to graciously receive the truth.
Wisdom in marriage is learning to talk without fighting. It is about identifying the issue but presenting it in a way that allows your partner to join you in the solution rather than defending themselves against you. When you prescribe a better way to live together, you lift the relationship. When you criticize your spouse’s character or the character of the person you are in a relationship with, you tear the foundation down.
I am sure you must have heard the saying, “It is not what you say, it is how you say it.” And it is true, words alone are not just enough, because two people can say the exact same sentence, but one leaves you feeling encouraged while the other leaves you feeling insulted; the difference does not lie in the content but in the delivery.
Communication they say is more than just the transfer of information; it is the transfer of emotion, intent, and respect. So a sharp tone can turn truth into a weapon, while a gentle one can turn correction into guidance; this is why the way we speak, our tone, our body language, and the spirit behind our words often matters far more than the words themselves, and when we understand this, we begin to realize that how we speak can build bridges or burn them, heal or wound, inspire or discourage. And in a world where relationships, trust, and influence are everything, how you say something truly makes all the difference.
Continue Reading: It Does Not Matter Only What You Say; It Matters Greatly How You Say It
From Experience to Wisdom: The Weight of Your Words
Pastor Dolapo Lawal said in his sermon that he speaks from experience, and he also describes the slow erosion of a relationship where couples abuse each other and exchange words like whore and prostitute in the heat of anger.
These words are not just sounds; they are attacks on the spirit, and they create a cycle where even a three-year-old child can see the damage and plead, “Daddy and Mommy stop fighting.” To walk in wisdom is to realize that your words have the power to create a peaceful home or a war zone.
The wise person “redeems the time” by ensuring their words are invested in building, not destroying; they choose resolve over relief. It might feel good for a second to “tell someone off,” and you get some type of relief, but it rarely solves the problem.
There is a verse in Scripture that has followed me like a shadow or rather I should say that has followed me like a covering, one that both comforts and confronts me, disciplines and disturbs me. It is what the Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:27:
No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. – 1 Corinthians 9:27 NIV
I have read that verse countless times; I have quoted it countless number of times, in my private prayer, and in my conversations with friends, family, and others, in fact, what primarily triggered this article is that I just recently quoted that verse of the scripture to Mi Lady, and in the same breath I said something very contradictory, but more recently, I have felt it like a blade, not in a judgmental way though, but in truth. That verse is me; it exposes me; it holds up a mirror, I sometimes I want to avoid, but I NEED. Because while I have built this blog, ValueFaith, to preach truth, share wisdom, and teach others about God, life, character, discipline, faith, and self-development, but like many, I am also the one in the background, struggling to live up to what I have written.
There are days I feel like I am shouting timeless truth with trembling hands; there are nights I reread my own articles, especially the ones under the Personal Reflection category and feel like they were written by a stronger version of me, a braver version, a holier version.
Continue Reading: The Weight of My Own Words: How I Fight To Live What I Preach
Read Also: The Contrite Heart: Character as The Foundation of Spiritual Growth
Read Also: Eric Gugua on Relationships: Why Wasting Someone’s Time is the Ultimate Robbery
Read Also: First the Spirit, Then the Mind: A Lesson from The Man of God, Pastor Chris Oyakhilome
Conclusion
The Lifting Rule is ultimately a call to maturity. It requires us to set aside our ego, the part of us that wants to feel superior by being a critic, and embrace the humility of the prescriber.
My dearest readers, to walk in wisdom is to treat every problem as a divine assignment for a solution. Whether you are at your desk, in your living room, or in your place of worship, ask yourself: “Am I lifting this situation with a prescription, or am I weighing it down with criticism?”
Promotion, peace, and progress are reserved for those who offer a way forward. And so, do not just point out the dark; be the one who brings the light.
